fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
