My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
