and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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