Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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