u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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