OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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