he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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