I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
