I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
