i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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