I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
