I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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