I think my vagina is haunted
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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