I intend to get homeless drunk
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
