How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
