and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
