If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
