and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
