If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
