i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
