Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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