she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I believe in your delicious
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
