I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
