are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
