This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
