so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
