it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
