you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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