Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
