What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
