If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
