i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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