8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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