We won't sleep together?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
