Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
