The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
