mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
