i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I cut my penus on the lid.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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