Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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