After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i believe in u and ur pee
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
