2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
