Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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