ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
