how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Boobs speak an international language.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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