If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
