YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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