I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
