i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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