Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
