if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
