I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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